Have you ever looked around at your life and wondered "How did I get here?" Not here, but HERE? Every time I find an old friend on FaceBook or Classmates.com and we start to exchange stories of where we are now, they seem amazed at my life. Sometimes I am too!
These conversations eventually end with "I never would have pictured you as a mom (or stay at home mom or insert description of an unpaid, slightly insane, maid, taxi driver, nurse, counselor, mediator, boxing referee, and laundry attendant to 3 boys and a husband)!" I am not an A type personality. I do like organization, and I do have goals for my life (somewhat) but I did not follow any type of plan to get where I am now. Thus, the HOW part of the question. I talk to some people and see their path has been planned and well ordered. I talk to others and their path rambles a bit, but with a bit of a delay, they still reached their wanted destination. Just a little sight-seeing on the way. My path seems to be a mix of a National Lampoon's Vacation movie, meets It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World movie, meets a Will & Grace story line with the dangers of the fireswamp out of the Princess Bride movie sprinkled liberally about!
Now, this question can be asked in differing tones. There is the sad tone where the person is asking themselves what bad karma they earned to be where they are. There is the angry tone that when it is heard, chocolate should be administered to this person IMMEDIATELY!!!! There is the bewildered tone where the person wonders if they are dreaming all of this or where they are in a state of shock. Chocolate should also be administered right away. Then there is the wailing tone that can be heard for miles and is usually an indication that that woman has just picked up toys from the same room 5 times in the past 3 hours and/ or she has just had "Mount Wash-more" collapse upon her and she needs rescue.... and chocolate....lots of chocolate. I am usually the last tone. Because as I lay there slowly being crushed to death under dirty play clothes, karate gi's and army uniforms I find thoughts of past goals going through my head..... for example....."I wanted to be in the fashion industry!" Or "I should have pursued the acting career goal". Then followed by the inevitable... "there has to be a military boarding school that will take all three of them!"
But I digress....
I know what you are thinking... you are either thinking "what is she complaining about???" or you are thinking I heard the Talking Heads song, "Once In a Lifetime". I promise I am not complaining. Or the song. But as my birthday comes barreling at me as fast as a shark goes after it's prey, I tend to think of these things. I know I know... you are thinking, "she's only..ahem....25 (again, just like every year)...why is she thinking like this?" Well, when I notice that time is passing by more quickly every year, it tends to make me sit back and wonder... I am not truly complaining about the HOW because I wouldn't be the strong person I am today without my crazy journey here. I truly feel like I can teach my children strength by showing them the strength that I have.
Do I wish I did some things differently? Sure! Finish college for one. But I can't help that think this crazy trip of mine is the path that God set me on for a purpose. The crazy chance decisions that my hubby and I made in our lives just happened to intersect at this one place and one point in time to start our parallel journey together. The chances of us meeting were astronomical and yet we did. I met the person who was meant for me. I truly believe it. I find myself asking another question now...."Where will I go from here?"..
As my kids are now all in elementary school and I work part-time, I try to think of a career that I would love to do. I am lucky enough that my hubby's salary is enough that I am not feeling rushed to figure out my future steps in this crazy path of mine. I still enjoy being able to meet my boys at the bus stop and having all of them try to out shout each other to be the first to tell me about his day. As we walk back to the house (that I love) listening to discussions about recess and math and conduct marks (hopefully not), I realize that of all of the futures I would have and could have chosen for myself, this was the least likely but it is the best job I have ever had. And probably ever will. So whatever crazy path brought me here, I may not like the laundry involved, or the stepping on toys in the middle of the night, but I sure am where I am supposed to be and God willing, the journey will get even better from here.