Rock bottom or lake bottom?

I have heard the term "hitting rock bottom" before.  I don't think I have ever hit that mark.  But this week I made a firm decision to not be a fatty anymore.  I'm tired of the aches and pains.  I'm tired of being constantly uncomfortable.  I want to set a better example for my sons and to be more active.  What made me determined?  Was it that all of the ladies I know in the neighborhood joining Weight Watchers?  Maybe that influenced me a bit.  Was it looking at my husband and picturing in my head the Jack Sprat nursery rhyme?  Maybe.  Was it walking around in Washington, D.C. recently with younger, skinnier friends and although I was wearing great shoes, I felt like my feet walking barefoot on glass shards? Absolutely! Not to mention how my back felt.  Does it help that whenever I go clothes shopping I leave the store fighting tears? Yes, that helps in motivation.  Here is the problem.... I love food.  I especially love food that my husband cooks...yum!!!!  Also, I hate to exercise.  I have a sister-in-law that is a personal trainer and is an exercise addict.  (You know it's true, S.  The first step is admitting you have a problem!) She is always trying to give me pep talks and talks about how the adrenaline will make me feel better. I don't get that adrenaline rush that everyone talks about. You know, the one you are supposed to get after working out? Yeah that one.  Nope, I don't get that.  I just get tired.  And my muscles do this weird popping thing after I work out.  It's like having popcorn under your skin.  It freaks me out! But, no more excuses.  I will get on that devil machine AKA the elliptical and I will eggersize!!!!

So I haven't hit rock bottom but I feel like I am close to the lake bottom.  I feel like I am drowning in depression, lack of social life, and my own lack of self motivation.  That slow moving feeling when you are under water?  That's how I feel day to day.  Part of the problem is I have not been doing my crafting.  That usually helps.  When I am making SOMETHING...ANYTHING, I tend to feel better.  But I look at my craft stuff and feel unmotivated there as well!!!!  So I am at lake bottom, slowly sinking, not rock bottom where there is a painful crash.  Yet bottom is bottom so I am forcing myself to swim to the surface, so to speak.  I rejoined sparkpeople.com to get motivation for exercise and also it has great calorie counter and fitness trackers.  My goal for tomorrow is to work on the craft room/office and get it cleaned, organized and ready to rock!!!!  I also want to try to make plans to get together with some of the ladies so I can have a bit of a social life.  I want to be a better mom and wife.  In order to do that, I need to be a happier Jesse.  If I am not happy with myself or my life, how can I make my family happy? I can't.  I keep seeing those commercials for an anti-depressant medication with the animation of the woman with her depression represented by a blue bathrobe.  That's a really good visual for me.  I am going to have to take off the bathrobe and set it aside to make my life better.  It may follow me here and there, but I have to regain my determination with regards to my life!  I am going to do it.... I mean it this time.....



...where's my sneakers?....