I may tease my friend Karma about being a slacker, but I think I win the all-time championship award. My last post was in January with many big hopes for the year. I haven't posted since because I suffer from depression. Suffer is a very dramatic word, but appropriate. It can be controlled with medication, but with our insurance sending us to civilian doctors, all of our experiences have been pretty scary. I refuse to self-medicate a la ammaretto, so I am trying to cope. What do I do? I sit around, comfort myself with food and bemoan my situation. Twelve weeks have passed. My hubby should be home by Saturday. I should be happier, but I'm not. Here's the issue.... we will still have to stay in NY!!!! New Yorkers DEFINITELY deserve their reputation! Even the kids! I have to say, though, I have met a few amazingly nice people here. Only 2 in my neighborhood and several at our church. And the nicer ones? Moved here from other states! But otherwise? It's going to be a looooooooooooong 3 years. I have already been subjected to a high school type he said/she said drama. It's ridiculous! So I have come to a conclusion. I will just have to CONCENTRATE on being happy. I will force myself to ignore all of the crappy people and the crappy drama and focus on the boys and myself. I am going to change things by sheer willpower.
I ask myself ( yes, the Talking Heads song "Once In a Lifetime" just popped into my head. If I just gave you an ear worm... you're welcome) "why am I so depressed?" I think because I am without direction. A stay-at-home mom has a steady direction when the kids are young. Now that they are in school, I feel at loose ends. I could go to school...but for what? I still feel like a kid who doesn't know what they want to do when they grow up! But now that Zoli will be coming home, I think it's time to look into local night schools and maybe take a few classes so that I can see what direction I want to go in. I love making crafts and that seems to be what lifts me out of my Entenmann's-devouring funk, but can I make a living at it? Doubtful. But I do have ONE woman who wants me to make a baby hat for her daughter and said she'd pay for it. Maybe this is the start I need...
All I know is this. Instead of hoping and praying for new friends, companionship, a career choice, etc.... I am going to concentrate on the blessings I have. I have AMAZING friends. They just happen to live far away. SKYPE, BABY!!!! That's going to be what I focus on regarding friends. I have amazing friends from living in South Carolina, Texas AND Florida! They are smart, creative, and a blessing to me and my family.
I may hate living here, but there's a lot of historical sights we could go see and enjoy with the boys. We could camp, fish, hike and do other outdoor stuff together. I found a great website called mommypoppins.com and it is all about doing things in New York and even talks about doing inexpensive things. While the neighborhood kids aren't all that friendly with my boys, I can sign them up for soccer and martial arts and have them meet different kids. I have a nice house, only blocks from my husband's work. The boys are in a good school. Everyone is relatively healthy (allergy sniffles here, sore muscles there). I have a lot to be thankful for and I have decided to concentrate on that. Hugs to you all!