Sunday, August 8, 2010

Changes...

My last post sooooo long ago is still very relevant is a scary kind of way. I was asking myself "how did I get here?". The sad thing is I was in a wonderful place at the time. I was in a huge house in TX. Had a great church, a job that I liked, lots of awesome friends and a school for my kids that we loved. Now I could still ask myself the same question. We have moved from San Antonio to Columbia, SC. We are in an apartment HALF the size of our former house. Most of our belongings in storage (like my books and crafting stuff...waaaaaaaahahhh!) No job, no local friends, Oh and did I mention I am homeschooling? Yup, me. The person who always said, there is no way I could homeschool my boys. But there are no other options. I can't ask my boys to go to school in SC until Halloween (just enough time for them to meet other kids and start to get attached to them) and then uproot them to go to school in NY! Nope. It's not fair to them.

So here I am... looking at hundreds (well it seems that many) of homeschooling websites. Checking out book after book on homeschooling from the library. And praying. A lot. Most of the time, my prayers are about needing strength, purpose and wisdom. Or just enough self control to not blast my kids into smithereens!!!! (anyone else ever wonder what a smithereen actually is? Just me? Ok.) See, my boys are great. They are soo good. They use their manners, they watch out for other kids, they are respectful..... for EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!! When it comes to me, they seem to think I am a zoo keeper thus the behaving like a bunch of monkeys on parade for me! So imagine this behavior in a learning setting.... it's enough to give me heart palpitations! I just want to do what's best for them. I know I can do this and that they would benefit. I just find myself a tad sick of being the disciplinarian. I'm always the one laying down the law. I always looked forward to the boys learning in school that there are other adults i.e. their teachers, who expect the same rules to be followed. Not this year. Well, at least the first semester. Now my role is to be the good Army wife and homeschooling mama. Rolling with the punches, adapting to the changes. Trying REALLY hard to not kvetch too much. Because it doesn't matter how I got here. I'm here. I'm alive. My kids and husband are here, alive and well. If I look around I see many people who have more obstacles in their lives. They have a much harder time of it than I do.



Whenever I ask, "how did I get here" I now know I could always end up in a more difficult position. I still have good things that I can see. My children of course. My husband who gets mega brownie points for going to the store to get something chocolate for me. I have a roof over my head. My husband has a job. We have working (kinda sorta) cars to get where we need to go. I got to have a great visit to FL to see some wonderful friends and I got to smooch my niece and nephew's cheeks. I have Facebook to help me keep in touch with everyone. I now have Skype to help with that. I have God's word to nourish my soul and to show me how I can lift my own spirit when needed. I have God's grace for all of my MANY mistakes. I have God's love, so pure and limitless. WE have God. Suddenly "here" seems to be the place we need to be.

1 comment:

Beckie said...

oh Jess....you are a wise woman. Nothing better than counting our blessings to help us wade through the daily crap that happens. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job at the Homeschooling. Why don't you just do field trips EVERY DAY? Go see where you ARE before you are gone...counts for school in my book! Love you and miss you and planning on that cruise!